30 Apr 2012


just want 
to hold on
to You
big bear body
embrace it
kiss it
listen to 
the voice
I love
in You

29 Apr 2012


You make me proud
of You and myself.
For days now
I write this blog
for my King Bear.
You made me open
the source of
words within me.
You do not need to
control it
as it springs from
my mind so easily.
You just trust
me to write
my thing
about Your thing.
So I feel You
so close.

28 Apr 2012


I undress: my boots, dress, stockings, underwear
What is left, is bare skin
With life carved within
I present myself to You
My hair turning grey
The eyes You enjoy
My lips to kiss
My blushing cheeks

I stand and Your eyes trace my breasts
You smile: 'Just the right size.'
Down they go.
My belly rounded by childbirth
A little extra fat of maturity
I am happy with what I offer You
You are happy with what You see

I kneel on the bed
You gently push me forward
My butt high, my head low
You caress
With gentle hand
I feel so

26 Apr 2012


She stood there gazing
at the man sitting
on His motorcycle.
Far to shy
to express herself.

The heated Harley
was grumbling
and growling
a deep bass.
He was waiting.

'Woman' He said:
'Tell me what you want?
Tell me what you need?
Tell me anything
But tell me!'

She stood there
the pavement
not daring
to offer herself to Him

'Woman' He said:
'I want to know.
I need to know.
Speak up
for both our pleasure,'

'Sir' She said finally:
'I came here because
I want You,
I need You
to use me.'

He pointed at the seat
behind Him.
She sat, clinging on
to His waist,
holding tight.

Hitting the throttle,
He drove off,
winding roads
towards a meadow
where He used her.

She moaned.
He grunted
a deep bass.
Her willingness
and His will

25 Apr 2012

fruit juice

you fruity
little snack
of pleasure
you make
me crazy
I pat, I rub
I play with
you, frilly
little thing
and drown
in you
juicy you
I loose
in the surf
that engulfs me 


jij fruitig
hapje van me
van plezier
je maakt me gek
het frommeltje hier
ik aai, ik wrijf
ik speel met
en verdwijn in je
sappig ben je
totdat ik verloren
toelaat hoe de
de branding op
me af komt
en me overspoeld

mmmm, I will try to translate this
love ara
well I did

23 Apr 2012


bound and free
my freedom 
is not bound
i am just bound
and free to be 

22 Apr 2012

more household tools

There is this lovely and amusing blog written by a submissive with a good sense of humour and a character I can easily relate too. Anyway she referred to some more intriguing household tools.

Thank you melinda
And do read the blog of her Master too. They are both so refreshingly, unseriously serious it makes my day when I read their blogs.

Paper clamps

I have them in my house as I used them and still use them doing art. But I got so stuck on my clothespins that I never thought of them. Nevertheless they are indeed a good idea to work with and as I understand more painful than the clothes pins. (Meester... I think... will be reading this too....)

Shoe horn

Who would’ve thought of that one? And it seems effective. I learned if you buy one with a loop that seems to add up to use the loop as well. (I will write about a Loopy Johnnie. A funny name but seems to sting 'like the Dickens'. )
These wooden ones look quite beautiful. 

Spiky hair brush

Used as a paddle… but what about the spiky side…. Anyone with experience here?

Ok ok............. only joking!

More to come soon,
Love Ya


How to make an ice dildo

(You will find other d.i.y stuff at the d.i.y.tools page.)

After writing the story 'cold as ice' I thought I needed to find a good and simple example to make one. And simple it is, as is shown here. You can create your own sex toys made of ice just by using unlubricated condoms, water, and some ingenuity.

Start with the cardboard tube from a roll of paper towels. With a pair of scissors, cut the tube lengthwise. Roll the tube to the diameter you'd like the finished dildo to be, and wrap tape around it to hold it at that size. Take a condom and put it into the top of the cardboard tube, and then overlap the top half inch or so of the condom around the edge of the tube.

You can use a lubricated or unlubricated condom. If you use a lubricated condom, avoid spermicidally lubricated ones, because the spermicidal lubricant can get funky when it freezes.  Carefully fill the condom to the top with water. Stand the tube upright in the freezer, and wait a few hours.

In a few hours, the water will freeze. Remove the tube from the freezer. Carefully lift the top edge of the condom from around the tube and tie it in a knot to keep the water from leaking out as the ice melts. Then cut the tape, holding the tube closed and remove the ice dildo.

Remember, always run the ice dildo under cool water before you use it. This removes any frost from its surface and starts the outer edge of the ice melting. You don't want to use ice internally untill it has started to melt and has a thin layer of water on its surface, or the ice may freeze to your skin. 
Want your ice cubes or ice dildos to look better? If you boil water and then let it cool before freezing it, the ice will be transparent rather than cloudy. Cloudiness in ice cubes is the result of dissolved air in the water, which is displaced and forms thousands of tiny bubbles when the water freezes. Boiling the water drives out the dissolved air, which produces ice that is transparent when it freezes.

Have fun!

 (Thanks to the following blog: http://tacit.livejournal.com/208807.html)

self bondage

You will find other tools at the d.i.y tools page)

It works, just click the picture it enlarges and you will be able to read the information.


20 Apr 2012


You tease me
with words
You intuitively
push my buttons
seek them
use them
until I am
so deeply aroused
by teasing words
You enjoy 
my reactions
tickle me with 
with words
a mutual tease
and bind me
to You
so joyfully
with Your words only

19 Apr 2012

how to spot a non dominant

Recently I read the following post on the blogpost of  *_sub_girl*.  She has a wonderful mind and a good sense and I like to read her blogs. As from now on I will have a page called self help on my blog. Unfortunately we need it, but always turn to friends or a person with experience that does not have the intention to Dominate you when you have fallen in the hands of a bad dom, or as we would say in Holland: 'een dommerd'.

a person or thing intended to deceive others, typically by unjustifiably claiming or being credited with accomplishments or qualities

ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence

My experience in the world of bdsm has lead me to believe that the vast majority of men that identify as dominant, are frauds.  Most of the time they are sad, lonely, socially unskilled creatures that hide behind a mask of false dominance and prey upon unsuspecting women interested in exploring their kinky side.  Often they are uneducated, underemployed, unattractive, and uninteresting.  If there is one thing they all claim to have in common it is a claim to a high degree of intelligence.  I call bullshit.

Having encountered many of these men in my own journey, I have decided to compile a list of red flags (with some help from my friends) that may prove helpful to those new to the scene.

He should offer personal information before you ask for it.  A refusal to do so is a HUGE red flag.  And telling you he's "a private person" is bullshit.

Trust your gut.  Bound and naked in a hotel room is the wrong time to discover the difference between a true Dominant and a predator.

His toy bag contains all "homemade" toys and/or everything seems to be brand new.

He doesn't have any references or claims to have them but has trouble getting them to you.

He calls you "slut" (or another equally misogynistic names) straight off the bat, before establishing a rapport with you.  Real Dominants earn respect.

Test his ego: See if he has ever or would ever submit.  Whether he has or would is irrelevant.  It's his reaction you're looking for.

He insists on highly sexual play from the get-go, before establishing a relationship or boundaries.

He expects you to participate in dangerous play you might not be comfortable with, such as breath play, cutting, etc.

He claims that you don't need a safe word.

He doesn't take personal responsibility or admit wrongdoing. Everything is always someone else's (and soon to be her) fault.

He is young (under 35) and claims to have ten years experience.

He doesn't allow his submissive to have any limits; or he doesn't respect them after they are established. 

He claims to be in an "open relationship" but refuses to provide any verifiable information about his primary partner.

He has never been to a munch, a dungeon, a kink-related class, and has no ties to the local kink community.

He expects for you to pay for and/or provide toys, meals, gas, hotel expenses, etc.

He starts of with saying he feels you are a natural submissive. 

He wants to "own" or "collar" you after a brief period of time.

His stories and/or timelines don't add up or are inconsistent.

He easily loses control of his emotions. Doms need to be in full control of themselves before they can control someone else.

Watch out for Doms who criticize the way you play, or way you think, or anything about you, really. Doms should support and offer constructive feedback.

He hides behind his D/s authority and thinks it shouldn't be questioned. The best Dominants are mentors/teachers.

You're relationship with him is beginning to cause problems in your "normal" life (with family, friends, significant other, career, etc).

He keeps on complaining about his primary partner/wife.

 If you tell him you're not interested he tells you that you're denying yourself what you really need and that you're not being true to who you are.

Don't rush.  Don't hurry.  And run screaming from anyone who tries to push you into anything you aren't ready for!!

 My sincere thanks to everyone who offered their feedback for this post. 

18 Apr 2012


The rain splashes the window of the car
The road in front of me so hard to see
Nevertheless I notice the sign 
The name of the city where we met
I bite my lip to focus on the road
The window wipers go from blur to clear to blur again
Like my mind, to suppress that feeling of deep desire
All erects within me, I smile and now I laugh even
Life can be so much easier when I know You are near me

17 Apr 2012


You are near though
is not the end

I just need to kneel
lower myself
and let my
sorrow go
I heal

16 Apr 2012


Why do lustful, horny, loving
and wonderful memories
get so totally lost
in my sub spaced head? 
I try to wander 
through this 
scattered landscape
of bits and pieces.

But for some reason
the little bits that stayed
make my body on fire so easily.
Even though, my sweet Meester,
I really don't remember
what on earth You all
did with my mind and body.

15 Apr 2012


I am shaving
under the shower
mild soap
sharp razor
my folds
while I shave
always concerned
not to cut myself
and nevertheless
to know
how soft
they will feel
I bend forward
shave my arse
Last hairs
all feels
slippery and wet
take the
shower head off
the stream
of water
between my
open thighs
where is
my pink
hell no
to cum
of course!

14 Apr 2012

King Bear

You rule Your Kingdom
With a gentle strong hand
Your Kingdom prospers
You have sown the seeds
And harvests day by day
Your tranquillity and calm
Is vested within her
Your servant who kneels
Between Your thighs
So securely
Bows her head
Out of deep respect
And feels that soft touch
Of Your hand on her cheek
She does not desire to be Queen
She just desires to be
What You want her to be
As Your wisdom
Is to listen
To contemplate
To decide
You: her King
Are no dictator
Even when it is
Your Kingdom to preside

13 Apr 2012


You punished me
For wanting to
Release myself
Sealed our bond
With pain
I bore
In silence
Waves of pain

You undressed me
Used me as Your
And to my
All you ordered
Was given
So willingly
No hesitation
All I could do
Was sing
Out loud
On lustful waves

I remember punishment
But more the pain
In my heart
of displeasing you
And waves
of pleasure
By pleasing You
I sail home
On lustful waves
of pleasure

11 Apr 2012


I drive home
my body on fire
especially that wonderful
soft spot
down under
that is so owned
by Him
I press her in the seat
of my car
the resonance
of the engine
tickling it
teasing it
it is still
so sensitive
so hot
filled with memories
bumps in the road
keep focused girl
you are on a high
I fly home
drive fast
I laugh
so damn good
I feel
on top
I sing
the resonance
of Him
His lips
tongue, kiss
sweet vibration
of the car
that I am driving
after He has
been steering me

9 Apr 2012


you haven't touched them
but when I do it feels as if you do
so you order me to pinch them
I pinch and my hands are yours
pinch them harder you say
and I humbly inflict more pain
but it is not me, it is you
pinching your nipples

am I too soft
do I pinch hard enough?
I wonder and than I hear your grin
I know you like what you see
my pain and your nipples
I long
for your warm mouth
but it is
out of reach

6 Apr 2012

I can't wait

one cup of coffee
just a coffee

I know
I said it
but now
I can't wait

What will it be
to look up to you
see your eyes
really see your eyes
a smile, your smile
oh god, I can't wait
now that I know
and all is near
one hand
on my shoulder
I am ready
more than ready
not even nervous
I can't wait
I just want
so desperately
to be with you
to have your voice
when you speak
in my ear
so close
to me


(relay of life)

her weak skinny legs were hanging over the hospital bed
the once living room was now turned into a mini hospital
the scent had changed, a cigarette next to her bed
but she didn't pick it up
her back rounded like an old lady
shallow fast breathing, her face twisting every minute of pain
her head swollen and hardly recognisable
she even smiled while she held on to life with her last might
not wanting to give up, wanting to live, to stay here with us
she laid down, sat up, laid down, sat up
a temple in ruins
the pain in her eyes, the pain of pain, of having to leave

I walked up to her as she laid down again and whispered in her ear
'I love you, I will be back soon to nurse you again'
but I knew already it wouldn't happen
this broken vessel drifted away
the anchor was already scratching the bottom of the sea
In the car I remembered the skinny legs of my father hanging over the bed
the ashtray besides it, he coughed like mad
his whole body emaciated except for his belly
it was swollen like a huge balloon
I knew soon he would have to take off
and on my birthday he flew up in the air
He was to young, I was to young

My brother was tall, strong and handsome
When he walked, the women would turn their heads
the shop girls would flirt
And I remembered when I sat in the car
driving home
how he had told me, cigarette in his hand
in my garden sitting on the bench
'10 % Sir', they had said to him 
10 % chance of surviving.
His light grey, blue eyes both angry and sad

When she died that night, they died again
I felt sick, as I was that day
my own breathing hurting my own carcass,
the sobs that hurt with every breath
I stood in the eye of the hurricane
and all flew around me like a madman’s merry go round
I died a little within, but now
All the memories, memories to laugh and to cry
Every memory turned into a loving one,
Of my family
They are my family

5 Apr 2012


home is in me
it is that place
I go to
within me

the comfort
I need
my own
in me

I am alone
all one
I can
but I am
always me

I cannot

I am
to be here
at home

(copyright ara charisma)

4 Apr 2012


I need
truly need
when low
I need pain
to release pain
until you
my very
I trust
you to
me safe
to control
what I
you set
me free
I call
it love

2 Apr 2012


I am in heaven
water up my lips
no strength to fight
move on
let go
I gave all
I shared all
venomous liquid
seeped right up
to my pores
and I am
sweating poison
good grief

heaven is nothing
when underneath
the soil is poluted
give me
just being
adam and eve
it is better when
they just fuck
like horny animals
and nothing else
if I could
my feelings
I shouldn't
be here

How just a few words
said by you
just by you
calms any river
stops any storm
removes the sting
and makes me
giving me time
the feel of time
the space of time
the need for time
healing time
to prepare me
for heaven

vanilla love

I love my man
he is good to me
I cherish the earth 
with his footsteps
he is my night and day
my soul mate 
my intellectual counterpart
the one I can rely on every day
I would follow him
over the river styx
to retrieve him
I would do anything
really anything
to stay with him
but this secret within me
is killing me
I have this one part
perverted and dark
deep within me
I cannot share
and it is killing me
it is hurting me
it is hurting him
when he picks me up
in my despair
I love my man
he is good to me
I cherish the earth
with his footsteps
he is my night and day
my soul mate
my intellectual counterpart
the one I can rely on every day
I would follow him
over the river styx
to retrieve him
I would do anything
really anything
to stay with him
but this secret within me.......