6 Apr 2012

life

(relay of life)




her weak skinny legs were hanging over the hospital bed
the once living room was now turned into a mini hospital
the scent had changed, a cigarette next to her bed
but she didn't pick it up
her back rounded like an old lady
shallow fast breathing, her face twisting every minute of pain
her head swollen and hardly recognisable
she even smiled while she held on to life with her last might
not wanting to give up, wanting to live, to stay here with us
she laid down, sat up, laid down, sat up
a temple in ruins
the pain in her eyes, the pain of pain, of having to leave

I walked up to her as she laid down again and whispered in her ear
'I love you, I will be back soon to nurse you again'
but I knew already it wouldn't happen
this broken vessel drifted away
the anchor was already scratching the bottom of the sea
In the car I remembered the skinny legs of my father hanging over the bed
the ashtray besides it, he coughed like mad
his whole body emaciated except for his belly
it was swollen like a huge balloon
I knew soon he would have to take off
and on my birthday he flew up in the air
He was to young, I was to young

My brother was tall, strong and handsome
When he walked, the women would turn their heads
the shop girls would flirt
And I remembered when I sat in the car
driving home
how he had told me, cigarette in his hand
in my garden sitting on the bench
'10 % Sir', they had said to him 
10 % chance of surviving.
His light grey, blue eyes both angry and sad

When she died that night, they died again
I felt sick, as I was that day
my own breathing hurting my own carcass,
the sobs that hurt with every breath
I stood in the eye of the hurricane
and all flew around me like a madman’s merry go round
I died a little within, but now
All the memories, memories to laugh and to cry
Every memory turned into a loving one,
Of my family
They are my family


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