26 Oct 2012
So there it is, I have made the decision and asked Meester for release. I have chosen for my husband. All surrounding this, all the feelings, everything is double. I am grieving of having to ask Meester for release but also happy what might may be ahead in the future.
I have always been open towards my husband about my desires. Even when there was a lingering interest on his side for a long time it was a bridge to far. Within all my frustration I always accepted that he needed time. Just the moment that I thought he wouldn't want to follow in my path, he decided on his own he wants to take his journey with me. And in my heart it is what I have always wanted.
So it is strange. I feel like I have to detox and on the other hand I have to see how I surrender to a novice Dom. I have to surrender to the one I share my life with. I see a change, a decision from deep within him. But within all the turmoil it creates in me, I also feel calm and positive.
So now the journey has taken his path into my life, I know now that being a submissive, being within this lifestyle is coming home. Actually internet gave me all the tools to open up, to explore and know for sure this was what I was missing in life. But this mostly secret life was hard as I really wanted to be fully open. I needed time I think to come to terms with myself. I had to accept this is what I want and need. But the responsibilities at home, the struggle we were going through and in which we still struggle are in my opinion worth all of it.
Is this an happy end? I have no clue, but I will give it all I have in me.