6 Oct 2012

it's complicated

Looking at facebook or fetlife it would be there in the profiles of people: "It's somplicated'. I always smiled, never putting myself into that category. Hey! My life is not complicated! My life is a breeze, my life is a breath of fresh air, my life is full of little wonders and love. I made my own bubble of dreams.


Within all of that, it started getting complicated. One day in a string in fetlife after a question of someone who had lied about his married life someone answered:

"If your spouse truly loves you, she should give you the freedom who you are."

And even though I was a little annoyed and tried to brush it away as insignificant, a little seed of doubt had nested in my brain. Unconsciously I started to rebel. I became more irritated. I had tried for years to talk, finally thought I had accepted all of his inhibitions. After a while these irritations appeared more and more on the surface until I was almost at the point to think my life was very complicated. And for the first time I felt I no longer could put up with it. I had opened that can of D/s and so many good things had started. I have always been frank about my interest. He had always been curious, but couldn't open up. Finally I was drifting away and stopped trying.

In my head I was counting my losses if I would leave and than suddenly now... he has opened that can as well.

What can I say? "It's complicated!"

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