24 Dec 2013

A Kinky Christmas Story
















Christmas at Harrods



She strolled through Harrods. Just this once in her life she wanted to go for her childhood dream; walking through Harrods in the middle of the night in Christmas time. Not that she was poor she was just a bit bored in life. She could buy the dresses, and all the other stuff if she wanted too. 
Se had been hiding in a very clever cavity she had found after researching this for months. It had been her goal, something to go for. It gave her all the excitement she had missed in all those years. And now she made it, she walked through touching all and everything with the excitement of a little child finding the presents under the Xmas tree in the morning.
This was so different, touching the beautiful fabrics of dresses and scarfs. trying a shoe and going though a variety of racks and different things. She was finding her way to the part where Santa Claus had been sitting this afternoon. That was pure magic when Santa arrived in the parade. As a child she would watch at the hand of her mother. She walked down, this year there is a beautiful grotto and she wanted to visit it again. Her grotto at this time of night.

And when she entered the area to her astonishment, Santa.... or a Santa was sitting in the chair. She froze. It must be a doll she thought but still she was hesitant to walk closer. She wasn't sure. Slowly she started to walk towards him as her curiosity took over and when she was about 12 feet away his hand suddenly moved. And He asked her: 'So girls what brings You to me at this time of night?'
She blushed heavily as if she was that child again with the naughty thought of locking herself in for a night and answered bashfully, but also with a streak of amusement as Santa does not exist: 'I was curious Santa, but I do not want to steal. I am just here for the magic of Harrods in Christmas times. I am so sorry.'
'Are you sorry? He answered his voice deep and dark sounding. 
She was startled, his voice sounding insisting, calm though but she new this whoever he was Santa should be taken seriously: she was impressed. She heard herself answer in all honesty: 'I am not Santa.'
'come closer girl'
She walked closer, a little uncertain and wobbling on her high heels. until she was about 4 feet away from Him.
'No girl I said closer!' His voice had changed... it was a "I do not take no for an answer voice!"

Hesitantly she took two more steps closer and was standing about two feet away from Him. Her breathing was heavy of the anxiety she felt a strange attraction to the man in the red suit and with the white beard. It worried her. Her mouth was dry by now. and she was wriggling her fingers nervously.
He looked at her: 'You very well know it is forbidden do do this! In fact you are trespassing Girl. You do realize I can simply call the Police and have You arrested for this! 
All she could was looking down, feeling deeply ashamed about her foolishness and answering without thinking: 'I am deeply sorry Santa'
'Sorry is not enough girl, You need a lesson so that your pretty little head will not do this again, is that clear!'
She nodded slowly, her cheeks red and answered like a little girl at school: 'Yes Santa'
Undress!
She looked at Him, eyes wide open her face deeply shocked and still she opened the buttons of her dress and lifted it over her head standing before him in a beautiful lace corset with garters and stockings, little red panties and to her shame her nipples were just above the under bra. A little voice in her head cursed at her for choosing this outfit. Her bright red shoes that had looked so stunning with the little black dress made her look like some centerfold and instead of being aware of her stunning beauty she felt small and hopeless. Nevertheless she straightened her shoulder and managed to look Santa in the eyes. 
His eyes roamed her body taking in every detail and she felt it. She felt every inch he was of his careful examination. 'So you dressed to impress girl?'
She caught her breath, what a question and still she answered almost in a whisper:'Not really Santa..'
'Well you sure impress me girl! It will not help You though. 
He slapped with his hand on his lap: 'Over my knee girl!'
Suddenly she felt resistance:'No Santa, please!'
'Over my knee! You will not get away with this behaviour so easily!
And she did. She actually stepped forward and laid over his lap. Her head was full of questions she didn't dare to ask. Questioning her self and this man. Who ever he might be. Why was she listening and doing as he asked? She felt silly, stupid to do so.
He took his gloves of and with a warm hand he gently caressed her butt. Butterflies of lust were fluttering in her lower body and she heard him grunting softly: 'I will teach you a lesson girl, one you will never ever forget.'

And suddenly a hard slap reached one of her cheeks and the other and again and again. She whimpered, squeaked and wriggled, but his other hand held her firm in place. Somehow she accepted the quite severe spanking her butt was burning and stinging. Perhaps it was her guilt? she had no real idea as her thoughts were blocked by the stinging pain of the spanking. He was spanking until he suddenly stopped. She realized tears were ruining her make up. She was brought up to always look her best, behave the best and act in a ladylike manner. Brought up to behave with that pure upper middles class attitude.
She gasped for air and he was very careful and gently caressing her butt-cheeks. They were stinging and hurting, but somehow his soothing hand was calming her. His other hand was softly stroking her hair. Until she felt his hand slip between her legs, for a moment she wanted to protest but yet again she didn't. Again she accepted. And to her astonishment he moved her panties to the side and felt her soft pubic hair, trailing it with his fingers. Smearing the moist over the lips and everywhere. Suddenly she realized she was soaking wet, felt bewildered and lost.
His fingers rummaged through the petals of her sex, teasing her, playing with her clit and she moaned. Without any notice he entered a finger and she dived into a blissful place of full lust. She grabbed his leg to hold on to and noticed the firm muscles underneath and let herself go, she no longer could stop herself. He was teasing her towards an orgasm, fingering her and taking her hair in his other hand holding her firmly.

She heard a grin as she felt that wave of a soon to be orgasm and he, much to her irritation, stopped. 
'Please... continue Santa' Her voice soft and moaning and she was gutted at the same time. This was humiliating, she was so confused.  Although her body spoke a whole different language. Her body begged for more.
'I cannot hear you girl'... another grin. 
And even when it went against all her fine upbringing and all the values and beliefs she had build up in her until now, she begged again: 'Please Santa!'
"Stand. Undress! All of it now!'
Hastily she took the corset off and all the fine undergarments that came with it until she stood there trembling, shivering, nervous and very very horny in front of him.

Again his roaming eyes, more at ease more friendly, quite warm actually. And while he kept his gaze upon her he unbuckled his belt, for a minute this made her nervous and excited at the same time.. She noticed that he had seen it, a smile, the little wrinkles around his eyes showed his amusement.
He opened that big red jacket  and ordered her to sit on his lap facing him and as she did. She noticed how his cock teased her in between the lips of her sex, seeking a way in.

And he made her ride him, work for it and pushed her to her limit. Only now and then helping her, steering her. He decided the pace. Until the grand finale where he came and she felt even happy he did. He held her and whispered softly in her ear with a surprisingly loving voice: 'Thank You girl for honouring me."
'Now, put on your dress!'
And when she wanted to put her undergarments on, he suddenly grasped her wrists and looked at her sternly and with a twinkle in his eyes.: 'No! those are my kinky Christmas gifts.'
And like a good girl she accepted. He fastened his belt again and walked with her. Gave her a coat and by the back door held her hand: 'Thank You girl, a taxi is waiting for you whatever happened, happened, you pleased me and I thank you for that. Now do not do this ever again! Locking yourself in into Harrods! And....... who knows what Christmas might bring you this year!.
And as the taxi drove away, she sat quietly, overwhelmed.... but strangely satisfied. Her dress sticky, her hair entangled, her face a mess. A smile appeared and it slowly dawned to her.....

Merry Christmas
ara


22 Dec 2013

law


We make so many laws for ourselves thinking they are right.
I think so often I am right when I am so dead wrong.
But when I look deep inside of me I know it is just me trying to keep them up.
And....
If I only listen to those who agree with me, I will not move forward.




So why do I write this?

I stumbled on something and it made me realize that at times I might feel so right that I do not feel the silliness of it all. 
So to keep reminding me that at times I have to step back, perhaps like a new year's resolution, here some utterly silly laws. They were probably made with the best interest at heart...... I hope.



For more info on this click weird sex laws in the USA


19 Nov 2013

a sunny day



I know I haven't failed,
I failed.
I know that I should speak
I wished I hadn't
I know all I know
and stumbled
bruised me knees

I stand at the picket fence
Staring at the horizon
blurred now
breathing the panic away
the sun is still shining
the sun always shines
even when it is dark

15 Nov 2013

trust and D/s



It is often said in D/s that a submissive needs to trust, or sometimes she should take a leap of faith. I have always wondered: I will not trust out of the blue. Nobody needs to trust out of the blue and I think it is to easily said: "Trust me." So what is trust and how do we learn to trust? How do we establish trust?





Trusting

We say we need to trust somebody. Trusting is a verb and verbs needs actions. To trust is an action but you also show to others you are trustworthy by your own actions. In any relation you learn to trust. But especially in BDSM trust is one of the most essential basic component in the relationship between Dominant and submissive. There is also an essential fragility in submission. Without it submission does not exist. Of course a submissive is strong to be able to submit, but she is vulnerable when she is submitting. Especially when she is in subspace and flying off without any control what so ever. That bond in D/s is very important.
We can never be a 100% safe. In D/s both can fail one way or the other. But it is the accumulations of actions that makes or breaks it. It is how you get out of it. Some have beautiful words, the words dripping like honey form their lips. They say all the right things and all there actions contradict there words.

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.


We all start with a basic trust. It is like asking for directions, most people will give you the right answer and send you int the right direction, only few will deliberately send you into the wrong direction. You need to give everyone that basic trust. Nevertheless you will not immediately trust everyone with the content of your bank account and you are right to do so.

Do not take trust lightly, but also do not distrust to easily. Deep trust takes time. You have to know if they are honest, consistent, if the claim to know if that claim is actually valuable. Perhaps they are nice to you but how do they treat others?

Leaping into D/s is often talked about. Should we leap into trusting? We can suddenly trust all and completely. It would be foolish. It would be foolish to trust someone to fly a plane fi You have no idea if he actually knows how to fly it. You have to choose and know if that person has the capability to fly one. But on the other hand if we booked a flight we trust the company to use a pilot with the proper license to fly.

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved

I've once heard a saying that being faithful in the small things, one shows themselves capable of being faithful in larger things. So i would say we should take leaps - small ones to start.
So what are some cornerstones of trust?


Reliability
Do what you say you will do, not following through ad the foundation gradually deteriorate.
Honour all your promises and if you can’t explain why, don’t keep them hanging.
Now that the lack of following through is a huge disappointment, maybe you think it is insignificant for the other it might be very important.

Honesty
Be genuine, do not spare feelings to spare the other.
Tell how you feel. You facts might not be theirs, do accept that another might not see things as you do. But be compassionate and understanding.

Share
Give information, do not hide it. Don’t say I am fine when you are not. Or I do not want to talk about it. If you share information you are not excluding the other.
Give reliable information, people will notice the missing links in your story.
Sometimes you are not ready to share or talk, simply explain that you are not now able to talk about it but that you will at a time you can.
Tell the truth.

Keep secrets
Do not be pushy to know all if you feel suspicious. Give them time. Respect however the secrets of others or the confidentiality of others.
If you lied admit to it, nobody is perfect. Do not deny when you get caught.

Integrity
That is the ability to protect others, Trust is solid when a person knows and feels your loyalty.
That means you do not always have to show sides to be loyal. Try to be fair.
Be consistent in your behaviour, be predictable and reliable.


Trusting is a decision you must make knowing that there aren't any guarantees.

When you decide to trust someone it means that you believe in that person's integrity. Trusting is knowing that ultimately this person's intentions are good. And it also means that you know that they are going to make mistakes. You have to realize that trust is not about finding the perfect, trustworthy person; it's about signing-up to work through hurt when it arises.

When people have been hurt you often hear them saying: "I will never trust again." We always need to trust again after being hurt, life is very lonely without trust. Most need a close relationship. We are after all social creatures. Although some people have been betrayed deeply and essentially in their childhood, think they can never ever trust again. But what they often do not realize is that they trust daily in little things. Like trusting that the food you ordered in the Restaurant is delivered to you.
Always ease yourself into a relationship slowly, it give you the time to witness their actions and reactions towards others and it is a perfect indicator of how someone is.

One last thing of trust!
Trust yourself that after being betrayed, you are capable to trust again. Be confident you will get over it when the other person lets you down, it will be much easier for you to learn to trust again.

Few delights can equal the presence of one whom we trust utterly


12 Nov 2013

Lurkers Day



Florida Dom wrote a blog about Lurkers Day and I thought it a wonderful suggestion.

See the link here: 
Florida Dom's Lurkers Day




I like to read him and do comment occasionally. It made me realize I need to comment more often. If you are shy or just starting off on the path of BDSM do lurk and read as much as you can.

But!

If you lurk frequently isn't it about time to comment or start a blog. Don't be shy as reading blogs is very very insightful, but so is writing one for your self. And do know what ever you write is insightful for others too.

So climb that fence you feel and comment! Write! De-Lurk!

I will love you for it.

ara

18 Oct 2013

Dust



I will be the wind in Your hair
The soft fabric of Your shirt

I will be Your tongue to caress Your lips
The fresh scent after a summers rain in Your nose

I will be the blackbird that sings
And the grass You lay on

I will be the dust on Your pants
Dust
is all I need
To be with You

10 Oct 2013

Change!






Something is happening deep in side of me, far bigger, far more amazing than I would ever expect!



When I started to follow my dream and step (a bit) into the world of BDSM, I also started to finally understand me. Over the last 2 years I came to the conclusion that writing about BDSM is nice, it teaches me and it taught me a lot, but not only that. It put me on a path of personal growth, it showed me also a way to fullfill the potential within me. I am becoming stronger and stronger.  I am not sure I can put my finger on the why and how. But I will try to explain some.

I have always wanted to push myself forward, but I believed I wasn't really someone to be pushed. Now I know I was really doing all that, I was already learning all the time. With all the confusion I felt at times I am starting to understand that all along I had a goal but I simply didn't see it myself. Deep within me I never felt worthy enough. But I am the only one who can claim that worth truly. Of course I cannot claim I know all, but I have been walking my path for years and as it narrowed, the horizon broadened. Simply because the narrow path made me focused. I think BDSM, just opened me up, it made me stronger. It made me stronger not because I know how to put defenses up, it is because I took them down. Do I want to advocate BDSM? No! This is simply my road. 

What is my road, my narrow path? It is quite simple. It consists in seeking all the tools available to grow, to give myself every chance to grow. It is also the reason I started to go beyond the discussions about BDSM. BDSM helped me, but ultimately You have to help Your Self. A Master can push, but he can push forever if you do not want to move forward. But that is the same for the one that is Dominating. I have been growing with a bunch of great people at a wonderful sim in SL, called Austin. Is it all without drama? Of course not, we need a bit of drama to grow, to be pushed. To realize a lot of people invest in you. I invest in people because I love them. I deeply care for them. Some will not understand or see it, as I at times didn't see it.

But all of those that pushed me forward, that helped me on my path, mentors, friends, really all of you. I have learned to love you, I have learned to trust you. So keep on lovingly pushing please! And I will push a little back because I love you and trust you.




4 Oct 2013

Giddyup




Being so aware
of body posture
head high
follow the lead
dressed in tack

Standing still
concentrated
to serve looking 
straight ahead
knees up

stepping
in a circle
Your reins
and whip
guiding me

Neatly to follow
stepping beautifully
so focused
on what I do
gagged by bit

Being so aware
of body posture
head high
follow the lead
dressed in tack

The tail
tickling
hoofs loudly
on the pavement
click clacking

Until ordered
to stay
being bathed
after training
soaking wet

25 Sep 2013

will



she looked up
I will serve You

I will hold You
secure You

I will care for You
cherish You

I will help You
each day

I will do all
she said

I will
will 
have the will

to serve You
care for You
secure You
cherish You
hold You
help You

each day
and know
it is 
love

17 Sep 2013

Will




Submit he said
I will protect you

I will hold you
secure you

I will guard you
cherish you

I will help you
each day

I will do all
You said

I will
will
have the will

to protect you
hold you
guard you
secure you
help you
do all

each day
and know
it is
love





31 Aug 2013

Nightswimming



There is nothing much as wondrous 
as standing in the night
at the shore of a lake
the beauty of moonlight 
The wind is calmly sleeping
and water mirrors the moon

like I mirror you when I undress
en dip my toe in water
water still warm as the night is so cool
and I miss you when i step
into water, rippling surface
walking into the deep

I try to swim and
touch the moon
but the moon swims away
his reflection teasing me
Oh moon I beg you stay
Just float with me

Floating in the arms of water
wondering if you do 
too, like me floating
softly, no breeze
Lying here my eyes closed
vulnerable as can be

Floating on the surface 
Under a dark moonlight sky
My naked body vulnerable
But my mind is so sky high
Please float with me 
Do float with me......

29 Aug 2013

walking the dog

A conversation...

An afternoon, a couple is laying in the grass and she begins to tell of her morning walk with the dog. 

✖  "This morning as usually I went out with the dog, my usual walk. I felt like dressing up. So I am wearing a dress with sheer sleeves a nice cleavage and a little split at the back, which reveals just enough. The dress has a dark night blue colour with a print of roses in different tints, shattered all over the fabric. Underneath my dress a bra with matching lace undies and cute little red ribbons. I am full aware of them, they make me feel sensual.


moans softly

✖ "Bleu shoes with roses top, you know the ones. They make me about 6.2. I know it has effect."

✚ visualizes 

✖ "No make up at all, none what so ever. So while I walk elegantly - a slight sway of my hips - the dress hugs my curves. I see in the distance two men. I know them, one has a big dog and the other a small one. They always walk together and now and than I walk with them. These men always remind me of the oldies on the balcony in the Muppet Show. A bit grumpy but they make me laugh."

nods

"But I know today I have a treat for them.  I notice they see me too. So they stop and pretend to call their dogs while I walk towards them. Hair in the wind, I do not walk slowly but with a steady pace. My long legs bare and the hem of my skirt just above my knee. But they haven't seen the back yet."

✚ mmmm....  my mind's eye watching you, too

They just stood there, looking... appearing to be busy with the dogs and talking to eachother and when I fnally reached them I smiled and said happily: Good Morning. They replied the same.

✚ lays a hand on the bulge in his pants 

"They stood in the middle of the path, blocking my walk. So I had to slow down slightly, when one of them with an unusual politeness said: Let me step back and make way for you. I gave Him a wide smile and he retreated to the side of the path. Now I know that part of the path is straight on to a bridge. So I walked passed them over that path towards the bridge, quite a long way. And when I turned right and glanced over. I saw them standing still looking."

smiles: I am too

"I felt walking towards that bridge, every step, every curve, every sway of my body. I felt the muscles of my calves and my long slender legs."

✚ "Amazing!...Do you know that my thoughts were solely focused on your calves."

✖ "And I felt how deeply they enjoyed every step, every curve, every sway of my body and how my legs moved forward to give them that morning pleasure. I know they saw that wonderful movement of my butt, and how they wished my dress would creep up a little further as I walked."

 nods

✖ "And while I continued walking.....I thought of You."


His hand slowly goes the them of her dress there where the split opens and slips in, touching the warm soft skin of her slender legs.

moans


8 Aug 2013

corset





Sometimes, my corset feels so tight
and my carcass empty,
that I would cut the strings
and eat and drink
all the love in the world.
As the air is filled with it.
My body would be luscious,
the love overflowing.
But it does already
in abundance.
Sometimes, I just want the strings
of my corset tight.
So I feel embraced
in times when
it is hard
to embrace myself.


29 Jul 2013

sunbathing



He was sitting watching her while she was laying there sunbathing. Tracing her curves with his eyes. Bikini in place, fully enjoying what he saw. She seemed not to notice, but her eyes moved behind her closed eyes when she must have heard him moving his chair. 



His raspy dark voice suddenly broke the silence between them: "Open your legs!". She opened them but he wasn't satisfied yet: "Wider, Your puss fully in the sun!" When she pulled up both her feet she could lay there with her legs widely spread, the heat of the sun on the crotch of her bikini warming her, heating her. 

She felt his gaze on her, but knew she shouldn't open her eyes. So she laid still fully aware of him and  the lazy feel of sunbathing changed. When he looked down again he saw the red of her bikini darken with juice, a smile contentment on his face. He stood before her and lowered his pants, knelt and pushed the fabric of hers aside and simply used what belongs to him. 



25 Jul 2013

Underneath my clothes














It is hot, today it is announced we have a heatwave.




The best thing about a heatwave is that I feel perfectly fine without underwear. I have no sagging breasts. I love the cleavage and I love to walk the dog without it. The best thing is to wear a skirt to the knee and a tight T-shirt, because even though I do like the feel when I walk naked underneath my clothes I do not necessarily want to reveal it. It is my secret I want to enjoy. Exposure would go to far. 

Nowadays most of the bra's hide nipples. I love nipples, I love it when they are firmly visible underneath the fabric. Like the cleavage indicates a welcoming. I like hints to show of my sensuality. So I do like to expose, but not all the way. My attitude towards my breasts is totally different then towards pussy. There is far more ease with my breasts. But good grief I do not want to step out of the car showing off. Or the wind playing with my skirt.

But the sense that it might happen is of course double the fun......








1 Jul 2013

How to negotiate a collar

So what if you want to negotiate a collar. How do we proceed and make clear what we want and need and how do we go about it. How will it lead to a basic trust and good communication. BTW any criticism or comment about what I have written here is welcome.



Why should I negotiate a potential collar?
As a submissive you will make the choice on what and how you want things. Is that fair? Yes! A dominant needs to know all before he can decide the best course for you. So negotiating is very valuable for both. It sets the start. Do you only negotiate once and only before the collar is finally agreed on? I personally don't think so. Sometimes You have to reset the understanding, look if all still fits and see how things can be altered. Good communication is necessary to reach that point. I think a dominant can ask again to negotiate to see if what he is doing still fits. And of course ultimately he decides. But he can only properly Dominate if the submissive gives him all the information needed to make the decisions. The Dominant has to know what she wants and needs, also when they might have changed.

Relationship
Accepting a collar is starting a deep, trustful and meaningful relationship. Do realize that, it is not a game. Be aware with whom you are stepping in that relationship. Do not offer a collar lightheartedly and do not accept one lightheartedly.

Accept you are worthy to negotiate with
At least negotiate, some will not like to negotiate especially submissives have a tendency not wanting to negotiate what they want and how they want the relation to be. Some are afraid it is not becoming or pleasing. That is far from the truth. A dominant who is not willing to negotiate is actually not doing himself a favor. I might even add, is he a good Dominant?
So to settle things the first step is accept that you can negotiate, that you have the right to negotiate and make your mind up to fully go for it simply because you are worth it.
That is hard for many submissives I think because they have a tendency to give in easily or they try to protect themselves by building a wall to the other. However if you can admit to yourself that you need negotiating things are easier.
For the Dominants it is necessary to negotiate as well. They have to tell their own wants and needs and to find out of things will work out, on what level of experience the submissive is and if it his cup of tea.

Homework
Do your homework, in this day and age so much is available to get a basic idea. Think on what is important for you, make sure what those things are. Only than can you start build bridges to find compromises. Even with a collar compromises need to be made. Own up to yourself, be responsible for yourself.

Checklist
I have written about it here before, it isn't bad to do both a checklist of likes and dislikes and to see what your ultimate limits are. Be sure also Dominants have limits of how far they want to go or think they will go. It is good to know before hand where everyone stands in this.
Touch this checklist for one you can use.

Honesty
To be honest is showing respect for the other. Of course their might be things you have trouble telling each other. But do know that some fundamental stuff is necessary. In the virtual world you shouldn't lie about your age, if you are a man or a woman, or if you are married or not.

Listen
Negotiating needs to be done by putting all on the table and to find out on how things can fit or not, what feelings are and how to coninue. It should be done with having all options open even the one where you will say: "It doesn't fit."
Negotiating is not about winning, it is actually asking what do you want and need and vice versa. Being open about all you want to say and not hiding anything. Being open is to really listen to what both parties have to say. To be able to listen and accept what the other wants and needs and seek not the differences first, but listen to where you can agree on first. It is not about getting the best deal for yourself, but to come together in a deal that works for you both.
Listening is having an active attitude. Active because you want to really understand what the other is saying. You are not waiting for your turn to be able to say something next. And do not listen actively only for those things you do not agree with and respond to those once you answer. Just listen first on both sides without any immediate reaction because only than you either find the similarities and the things you do not agree on.

Teamwork
Make sure that you keep in mind that you are on the same team, it is not a match, not war it is simply a way to see how you can be together the best way. Or perhaps you find out it will not work. Just keep an open view, do not close doors immediately, weighing and considering is always good to do. Teamwork also means that sometime things can be stopped for a while. So each one can thinks things through.

Emotions
If emotions run high do not resolve there and than wait a day or a couple of days. It smoothens feelings and also it helps getting to the core of what you feel. Silence can be a very good way to communicate with yourself and needed to find answers. It also gives you time to review what the other said to you, or better said understand what they have said. In anger bad decisions are made, in feeling sorry for yourself, or whatever negativity, just do not make the decision yet.


Trust
The result in the end should be that trust if fully established. Both should keep the bargain they settled on. Sometimes A dominant thinks he can simply do what he wants without considering the submissive after the collar is around her neck, but he should be aware it will shake the foundations if he doesn't keep with his end of the bargain. On the other end the submissive cannot go back on what she accepted unless she cannot cope and should ask politely if he is willing to talk openly with her. Those times are necessary when you feel things are falling apart. Do not give in to easily, when you are tired or sad. It will back fire in the end.

Result
Accept if all is not what you had expected and wanted from each other if it is not working out, let it go. Enjoy if the result is how you wanted things. At least get to know each other before you start negotiating a collar.

Most of all enjoy because negotiating can be a lot of hilarious fun to!



BDSM checklist

A checklist is a handy tool to understand your partner and a help to see and measure the level of experience. It gives also a set of limits. Usually they are seen to be used for a random play between top and bottom but they can also be used as a start into a D/s or M/s.


I remember to be slightly shocked the first time I looked at it, so many things I had not yet heard of or done and it was quite daunting to feel and know what I might be interested in. Nevertheless it is a good tool to work with. The more information you receive from each other the easier it becomes to talk openly. Communication is the key in BDSM.

Below is a list of BDSM activities… please put an answer next to each item. Don’t be overwhelmed by this list. Take your time and answer as honestly and as best you can. Your answers will change over and over as you gain more experience in the scene. You should fill out this form every so often to let your Top know about new things you are interested/not interested in!

Your answer should be your interest in engaging in that activity on a scale of 0 – 5, NO,?, +, ! or a combination.
0 = I have no interest/don’t like this, but would do it to please you.
1 = Not very interesting/don’t really enjoy this too much.
2 = This is OK,
3 = This is nice/fun/interesting
4 = I really enjoy/think I’ll enjoy this activity
5 = I LOVE THIS/CAN’T WAIT TO TRY THIS

NO = Hard limit.  I will not participate in this activity at all, at this time.
? = Unfamiliar with this activity.
+ = I’m scared of this but would possibly like to explore it.
! = I’m embarrassed to admit I like this.

Also please feel free to write any explanations or more information after your answers.

Examples:
Flogging: 5  - I especially love to be flogged on my back!!!
Tickling: 5+! - My feet are my most ticklish place but I didn’t tell you that! <s>

1.    Abrasion:
2.    Age Play:
3.    Anal Sex:
4.    Arm/Leg Sleeves:
5.    Asphyxiation/ breath play:
6.    Beating hard:
7.    Beating soft:
8.    Begging/Pleading:
9.    Being Blindfolded:
10.    Being Gagged:
11.    Bestiality:
12.    Biting:
13.    Bondage (heavy):
14.    Bondage (light):
15.    Boot Worship:
16.    Branding:
17.    Breast bondage:
18.    Breast Whipping:
19.    Brown Showers/Scat (feces play):
20.    Caning:
21.    Catheterization:
22.    Chauffeuring:
23.    Choking:
24.    Chosen Clothing for:
25.    Chosen Food For:
26.    Clothespins:
27.    Cock Worship:
28.    Collars (wearing):
29.    Corsets (wearing):
30.    Cutting:
31.    Daddy Play:
32.    Dilation:
33.    Double Penetration:
34.    Electricity:
35.    Enemas:
36.    Examinations (physical):
37.    Exhibitionism:
38.    Face Slapping:
39.    Fantasy Gang Rape:
40.    Fantasy Rape:
41.    Fisting:
42.    Flogging (back):
43.    Flogging (butt):
44.    Following Orders:
45.    Foot Worship:
46.    Forced Dressing:
47.    Forced Homosexuality:
48.    Forced Masturbation:
49.    Forced Nudity:
50.    Forced Oral Sex:
51.    Forced Servitude:
52.    Full Head Hoods:
53.    Genital Sex:
54.    Given Away:
55.    Golden Showers (piss play):
56.    Hair Pulling:
57.    Hairbrushes:
58.    Hand Jobs:
59.    Handcuffs (metal):
60.    Harnessing:
61.    Head (getting):
63.    Head (giving):
64.    Swallowing:
65.    High Heel Worship:
66.    Homage With Tongue:
67.    Hot Waxing :
68.    Housework:
69.    Human Pony:
70.    Human Puppy:
71.    Humiliation In Private:
72.    Humiliation In Public:
73.    Ice Cubes:
74.    Including Others:
75.    Infantilism
77.    Interrogations:
78.    Intricate Rope Bondage:
79.    Kidnapping:
80.    Kneeling:
81.    Leather Restraints:
82.    Lecturing:
83.    Licking: what? Boots
84.    Massage(getting):
85.    Massage(giving):
86.    Medical Scenes:
87.    Mommy Play:
88.    Mouth Bits:
89.    Mummification(saran wrap etc):
90.    Nipple torment:(clamps etc.):
91.    Oral/Anal Play:
92.    Orgasm Control:
93.    Orgasm Denial:
94.    Over-the-Knee Spanking:
95.    Phone Sex:
96.    Piercing (perm):
97.    Piercing (temp):
98.    Pussy Whipping:
99.    Pussy Worship:
100.    Religious Scenes:
101.    Riding Crops:
102.    Scratching:
103.    Sensory Deprivation:
104.    Serving as Ashtray:
105.    Serving as Furniture:
106.    Serving as Maid:
107.    Serving as Pony:
108.    Serving Orally:
109.    Serving:
110.    Sex in Scene:
111.    Sexual Deprivation:
112.    Shaving:
113.    Single Tail (light/sensual):
114.    Single Tail (moderate/heavy):5
115.    Spanking:
116.    Speculums (vaginal):
117.    Spreader Bars:
118.    Stocks:
119.    Straight Jacket:
120.    Strap-on Dildos:
121.    Supplying Victims:
122.    Suspension (inverted):
123.    Suspension:
124.    Swapping:
125.    Swinging:
126.    Tape Gags:
127.    Tattooing:
128.    Teasing:
129.    Tickling:
130.    Triple Penetration:
131.    Uniforms:
132.    Verbal Humiliation:
133.    Videoed Scenes:
134.    Voyeurism: 4
135.    Whipping (cat o’ nine tails etc.):
136.    Wrestling:
137.    Paste IMs.....: