29 Jan 2013

meet Denis

Denis draws, little erotic drawings, scribbles on paper and I enjoy them. They have this fast cartoon feel but very fleshy and sensual figurines. They are very tactile.

Sexy, arousing and a delight to see. He could illustrate the story of O. Or make a comic version of it to read. Perhaps he does, I don't know. And if he doesn't than I hope one day Denis will go for it.


27 Jan 2013

a REAL dominant

He is a 'real' dominant or she is a 'real' submissive. I have heard that many times. So how do we know? And what is a real dominant or submissive?

So there you have it, you can smell him when he comes close to you, you instinctually and immediately know he is a dominant. You instantly fall on your knees and submit. Easier even only a strong man can make you submit, a really strong man that suddenly overpowers you with his dominance. You simply know a good dominant in the first three sentences he says to you. Most of the men you encounter are wimps and they do not overpower you as it should happen.

When I was playing in SL in a GOR like sim it was the idea I had. Although a few would come to me to tell me it didn't work like that even in the role-play they were playing there. I didn't really understand it, I wanted something, knew instinctively I wanted something but had no idea how to get it. So I needed to look for this overpowering hunk that would simply force me to yield. I was a strong lady and my strength needed such a man.

When I started to venture into more capture role-play and BDSM like sims things changed. Slowly I understood that those strong men were also quite heartless bullies with a huge lack of empathy and care. I hand no idea of aftercare or anything and just played around in fantasy like sims where I was caught and 'raped'. Still, no fun for me. There was one I really started to talk to. He had never captured me we just talked and it was a good and pleasant conversation. He send me to a library in SL to read. That was the best things I ever heard. It slowly changed my idea of what a 'real' dominant is.

All that reading and experiencing has changed me. I no longer think there are 'real' dominants, 'natural' dominants. I think dominants, whether they are novice or very, very experienced. Should always communicate, share information be fully open on what and how they want things, so the submissive can establish if she wants to play and submit. And she should always willingly submit. Like in relationships, not all fit. Please find out all first.

Just realize that all is fine when you role-play, but would those ideas be there in your real life you might find yourself in a dangerous situation. Just always check the one you submit to, know his reputation know his home address and be sure if you ever meet him that his address is known to others too and someone know where you are and with who.

After all get REAL, you only have one life.

25 Jan 2013


Dear followers and readers,

I haven't been blogging for a while. Strangely enough it is because I have this large pot hanging above the fire and I am trying out the recipe for a new stew. On all sides of life I am using the knowledge I gained and will use it to make changes. I want to excel in the things I am good at and I want to improve the things that I am poorly in. 

This change of attitude is going really fast. I have a wonderful life, I have a wonderful creative brain and I simply need to take the dust of. I am dusting and it is so good to see all starting to shine and change. 

So this stew on the fire, has all the ingredients I already know and tasted, but in different amounts. I am asking people to taste, to say what they think. I am asking a hell of a lot of people to help me. So to make this wonderful stew for everyone to taste and to enjoy is simply by asking people for help. By opening up and realizing you can't do anything on your own. 

Somebody taught me to ride a bicycle, another one taught me arithmetic, I have been taught so much in life and I am still learning. Some teach me to understand and value my inner-beauty. Others have made me feel my submissive side, they helped me along on my journey and they still do. I have now so many valuable friends who show me my worth.

Strangely enough admitting for myself that I am a submissive, gave me an incredible boost in self-acceptance and self-esteem. Did that come easy? No! And it still hard work. But I cannot fully describe the positive effects, however it made me think about self-esteem.



A lot will say: 'I am suffering form low self-esteem.' Their insecurity has taken over and the 'suffering' has become the important issue in their lives as an incurable disease. They portray themselves with self hatred and will advocate that to all and everyone. But and that is important, they advocate it mostly to themselves that they are useless in so many ways and even more important that there is no way out. In fact they are self-absorbed. 

And any attempt they do is going to fail. They have gotten themselves into a high level of anxiety over many things that comes by and are very good in avoiding. And most of all it makes people seek for a constant endorsement of others to hear how wonderful they actually are. Of course that is important to heal yourself, but the aim should to get self respect. To feel that you deserve the best. And the realization that if you want the best for yourself that there are many, many ways to go about it. Constantly helping all and everyone is a way to hide. It makes you hiding in helping others so you do need to help yourself. The fact is however, you can only help the other if you are truly able to help your self.


If we look at high self-esteem actually the same self-abosorption is there only it manifests itself differently. We have become very egotistical and cannot look beyond ourselves to the other. We glow in self importance and do not allow anyone to criticize it. Most have a big harness and will lash out first so they don't have to be 'hurt' again and can maintain their self-absorption. They are usually very judgmental and will not accept any contradictory opinions. Some will judge and sentence without knowing the full picture. We could say they are very unforgiving and will stay angry, because that is easier than giving yourself the insight what your part int the whole picture might be.
By being so they are actually much the same as the ones with low-selfesteem. They just have more weapons and face their opponents, or simply gossip malignantly with no respect whatsoever. So here, you could say: You cannot help the other, because you think you need only to help yourself.


Sure, what I wrote above is an exaggeration. Speaking of self-esteem is often seen as being either a winner (high) or a whiner (low). There is a lot of truth in that and although a winner sounds wonderful, high-selfesteem is ruthless, without any respect to others. We see it happening in sports a lot: They just want to win at all costs! Or in business: They just want to earn money at all costs. Both is devastating to others and can be devastating for yourself.

But low self-esteem or high self-esteem is not a disease you suffer from. And sometimes it fluctuates or intertwines being low or high. I strongly belief it is just a lack of self-respect. Why do we need self-respect? We need self-respect to accept help from others, If we can accept help, we move forward in very positive ways. If we reach out, we can get so much back. Just ask?
I realized so much was taught to me simply by people helping me and I stopped that because I thought I didn't deserve at all. I realized I teach as well and I do that daily. I give it for free and I do not ask anything in return. It is simply up to the other if he takes my hand or not. And of course they are not obliged to take mine, perhaps it works out of the mouth of someone else so much better.
I should know that I cannot teach others in things I have no experience in or lack of knowledge of. I will share what I can and know. But what I can do is referring them to someone who does know or who has the skills and knowledge.
We need others to help us, to guide us, to teach us! Only than we can truly help others.

If we look at pyramid of Maslow's hierarchy of needs it is important to realize that all is part of us. 

I have been wrong for so, so long! It is not about self-esteem! It is all about self-respect! How do I know? Since I am accepting help, since I am open to others helping me I have gained so much. To try to solve all problems on my own is actually heartbreaking, that I have kept so much within me and didn't see there are so many different ways forward by simply asking for advise, help, guidance and sharing.
It means you have to take charge of your own life. Why, how can I respect the other if I keep all within myself, if I do not use the wisdom, experience etc of others. I simply show them my respect that others know things I do not know.
And that sounds perhaps contradictory for a submissive (or even the Dominant in charge ;-). But it is not, shouldn't we as a submissive be open communicative? Isn't communication not the main skill she has to have. And to be communicative you have to take charge, because you have to take charge of your own anxieties, of your life, of what you need and what and you do need a lot of self-respect. You cannot expect others to solve your problems if you do not reach out and find ways that suit you to solve them. Respect yourself and take charge.

But damn! Realizing that is so good!

I have taken charge so I hope you have enjoyed this recipe. I am still working on my stew. I need nourishment every day, but the taste is getting better and better. All I want is people at the diner table to share it with me and do know that all the blogs I read here have lovely recipes. We all do different things to take charge and I learn from all who help, guide, write and listen, thank you. 

4 Jan 2013

The beauty of a dress.....

For some this is a very highly stylized picture. For me it is also very, very erotic. But why I wonder?

Sadly enough I can't remember who's design or who's photo it is, but it intrigues me. It has been on my pc for quite some time, now and than I look at it. The whole leather suit and I guess soft leather boots are so restraining and she has to do a lot of uncomfortable effort to free herself from the mask. This breaths and smells BDSM to me. 
She must be naked underneath which is very arousing. It looks rigid and hard to access for a Dominant on the front. For whatever order he will give her she has to give her full as the suit like a bondage restrains her. If she wants full air she needs to lift her head and the corset like bodice will constrain her. But also if she needs to serve Him with her mouth she needs to find a solution. Nevertheless her butt is fully accessible. He can use her in any way,  but also he needs to seek ways to have access to her or simply enjoy the fat that he can't and that is the same for her. He decides.

These restraints  remind me of the dresses late 19th century women had to wear. The corset so tight they could hardly breath and their movements restrained by the whole dress. These dresses were made to emphasize the elegance and where in this dresses the butt was emphasized by a bustle. Some of these bustles would be made of steel others by a little cushion. I guess not very nice to sit with? 
How the hips would sway with every step and also how that would make the butt move. I always think these must have been highly uncomfortable. The whole dressing up being very, very uncomfortable with layer upon layer. The waist and bust were given a 'perfect' shape by a very very tight corset which is now also a BDSM item, but was back than as well.
Etiquette required also of the women to hide their feelings and appear enjoyable. Which shouldn't be the case within BDSM... but there I stopped and wondered about my throughts. If I am suddenly asked to give a blowjob by a Dominant can I refuse? Yes, of course. But if it would be my Master? No, I am restrained by his wishes. I would also wear any uncomfortable item he chose. Would he choose the leather dress with the mask, I would be aroused already, simply by the look of it. I am as a submissive restrained. Even when I look at a picture like the one above.

Do I like to be dressed every day by a Dominant, to have a full dress prescription? I don't think I personally can handle that. But I can so imagine how some would love it.