26 Feb 2013


I can stand
talking to friends
A good glass of wine
at ease and enjoy
the conversation
laugh, joke, jest
happy with who I am
proud of what I am
the person I am
suddenly realising
that my feet are right
next to each other
my back is straight
my posture balanced
I feel balanced
and I know
I really feel
that You are there
as if
close to me

On a platform
I wait for
the train to come
and I stand 
feet close together
upright, proud
And I know
You are there
 I am
pleasing You
I am changing
so fast
You are not 
my backbone
You make me
use my own

24 Feb 2013


Recently Brutus commented on my blog-post; EurekaI like and value his insights and the humorous ways he and his sub Melinda interacts. Their honesty is just such a pleasure to read. 

Here is his comment:
"I enjoyed you post. I have been out of the loop myself for a long while, so only reading it now. I need to give the part of high self respect a thought. It is not that I don't agree with what you say about it, but what you describe as "high self-esteem" sounds to me as low self-esteem being compensated by deliberately appearing confident, or even compensating is in one area. (Think OTT sportsman, perhaps it is the only area he has self-respect in)

I also think you should look at egoism and self-respect as two independent things, i.e. you can be egoistic regardless of your own self-esteem. 
I will end my comment with how I nudged melinda in the right direction of a higher self-esteem when we first met. When she told me how worthless she was I told her it was kind of an affront to think her Dom would choose a worthless subbie. So by insisting she is worthless she is either questioning my judgement or assuming I can only get the worse. (Just thinking now) Following this logic. "

So to catch the ball he threw at me I had to tussle it a little and think things over before I could answer.

First of all I so agree with him when he says that when a sub says of herself that she is a worthless subbie, she is definitely not honoring herself at all and most of all by doing that not honoring her Master. 

Because I was curious about self-esteem I started to research it. Why? Because my self-evaluation had gotten really low and I wanted to change it. I wanted to become stronger because I also noticed that there were many good aspects, skills and talents I should use in  a far more competent way, but my low self-esteem was pulling me down.

I started to do discussions in Second Life about Self-esteem and as soon as it came to high self-esteem people would talk about pride. Pride in the sense of haughty and not very pleasant. I would start to defend high self-esteem saying it was a good thing to reach in life until I started to research more. It is what I wanted to say that when you evaluate it is like the picture above you look into the mirror. What you see is what you get. A person with low self-esteem sees herself as overweighed and ugly, the other might see what she is and the other might over evaluate herself.

So why do I say high self-esteem is not always a very sane thing. I have to agree that there are people who really do know there their competence and self value. They know when to turn to the other for help and not they make a good self-evaluation. But there are those who think highly of themselves, but that does not necessarily mean others do the same. They have negative high self-esteem, are usually orally abusive or aggressive to those who do not see them as how they perceive themselves; life revolves only around themselves.

What is self-esteem?

According to wikipedia

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgement of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent", "I am worthy") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. Smith and Mackie define it by saying "The self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it." Self-esteem is also known as the evaluative dimension of the self that includes feelings of worthiness, prides and discouragement.

Brutus is right! I need to think more about self respect and egoism in context with self-esteem! 

So how do I respect myself?

I should first and most of all: Look after my mental and physical well-being! That is exercise, being outdoors, good nutrition and enough sleep. It is the simple basics we need.
When tired, you are easier sad, down etc. When not in good condition we get low, tired etc. If we do not look after ourselves than we do not respect ourselves.

Don't talk yourself down, you wouldn't say to a close friend; "Your hips are to big, you have a fat ass, you are ugly now would you. You wouldn't say that your friend is stupid or whatever negative comes to mind. And if you keep on repeating that to yourself it gets worse.

If you respect others for their knowledge and value than also respect yourself for your own knowledge and value. You do not need to be a Neurosurgeon to earn respect. Just ask some good friends what they think and do belief the answer is genuine.

Do not accept disrespect. But what is disrespect?

Brutus has this wonderful blog; "The thoughts of a Dom".

21 Feb 2013


I beg
I beg often
I plead too
I ask gently
I find all
kind of ways
of pleasing You
to please myself
but the best way
is begging You
for an orgasm
and see You smile
hear Your grin
and waiting

18 Feb 2013


my eyes register
my hands type 
read orders
as if
in my ear
my body connects
heat within
fire now
I feel
looking at puppets
I am
I am...
my mind
by what I see
what I read
far beyond
the avatar
hold me
while I fly
save me
when I

(Why do we need aftercare? published now in Is this BDSM? )

17 Feb 2013

Let's start!

When I started blogging about a year ago I was feverish with writing poetry and stories. In between I would write some informative posts about BDSM in general. I decided to split the two of them and make a blog about BDSM in Second life which radiates into Real Life.

In Second Life I moderate discussions and mentor, something I  enjoy. I learn and experience a lot. Even though a virtual space most of the experiences do not feel virtual. I am dealing with real people with all there emotions and feelings. Knowing that is important to me and to them. 

It has made decide to make a BDSM blog here in which the knowledge I gain is shared. Where I will answer questions and see it as a way to discuss matters. I will write poetry and stories here and use the other blog purely as a knowledge based blog. I am looking forward to share with you knowledge and to learn with you along the way. We all have knowledge, experiences and ideas. Hereby the link to my blog: Is this BDSM?

So I wonder what you think of my idea?


8 Feb 2013

spank me

spank me
please lay me
over Your knee
and spank me
please spank 
my peach 
into a rosyred
burning mess
spank me
the stinging pain
is all I desire
spank me
until You
have had enough
and know
I am dripping wet
when you feel
with Your fingers
in between my legs
that I am
ready to wear
I am nothing but 
Your horny