30 Jun 2013

deep cleansing

I am sweeping the floor of my head
Dust my soul and see it sparkling 
in the sunlight through the window of my eyes

I clean my lungs and sprinkle it
with perfume until it smells fresh
I mop my mouth to purify the outcome

I brush my nose to let all scent in
of night and day, of grass and hay
a river through my legs tickling my toes

Oh to wash my hands to touch
To taste all there is to taste of sweet desire
with my tongue wiped clean

My skin scrubbed to erase all old
to one day feel the softness of the other
there on that spot one will define for me

And empty my ears of all the noise
to find quiet, silence so I can hear
really hear nothing until

I paint my brain in colours
and erase all black and white
To feel me, the bare essence of me

my polished feathers neatly in a row
so I can spread my wings
and fly

24 Jun 2013

You gotta give up!

On Master Dream's precious treasure's blog I read the following and decided to share it as well. I think it is wonderful lesson for all of us.

BTW, do read her she is lovely I think. The link is above in her name.

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control. 
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” 
Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

19 Jun 2013

negotiation (part 2)

Who am I?
So I wandered around a little in BDSM in SL and experienced a few scenes in RL. I read blogs of very experienced people and I start to understand how inexperienced I am. What right do I have to write about BDSM? There are people out there who know so much more. So who am I?

Woman, Bottom, Masochist, Submissive, Slave?
If I want to downgrade myself I am just an average woman, who dared to follow her kink a little. Who has responsibilities, who will fight for those. I am without a Master by choice. What can I say it is complicated. I had a bad Master, at least someone who wasn't enhancing me. I had a good Master who gave me the freedom to express myself. I explored my submissive side. But have I ever dared to explore me, my submissive self? What kind of submissive I am? I think I have never questioned it, understood it and fully explored it.
There is not one kind of submissive. There is not a true submissive. I am just a woman who submits. The more I think of it, the more I know I have far more in me to be a slave than a submissive. So what is the difference between a submissive and a slave? How do I dare to come to that conclusion? Am I some jellyfish that dances on the waves? I am not.

So hereby a few definitions which I found on the submissive guide website:
A bottom is the lower role within a play session. Generally the person does not submit outside of the agreed upon time that both parties are enjoying the physical aspects of play. Bottoms have more control over what happens in the scene than other submissive types.
A masochist is someone who likes to receive pain for pleasure. They can be the bottom in a scene but the reason I gave it a separate designation is that there are Dominant roles that are also masochist.
A submissive is someone that submits in a relationship either part of full-time. This can involve only in the bedroom play all the way to live-in service. A submissive generally submits only to those they are in a D/s relationship with and are respectful of others outside of it. A submissive has roles and rules and structure to guide their interactions with their Dominant and with others. Most of the time they still hold a veto card called the safeword.
A slave is a separate form of submissive. They hold no limits other than what their Masters give them. They can not refuse service to their Dominant. The argument has been going on since the beginning of time about the real differences and so I’d like to set up right here what I believe so that you can understand where I am coming from when discussions happen on this site. A slave is on a deeper more intense level of service than any submissive could work up to. If someone says they were submissive and became a slave, it is because they were always a slave and are now finally identifying as that. Becoming a slave is re-identifying yourself, not just a progression but an intensification of submission.
Not what, but who!
So there seem to be clearcut definitions, but how do I fit in these? How can I ever negotiate if I do not know what I am negotiating for? So let's look at the what, if we can speak of what. What I am? A Bottom, sure but not me, I want far more than that. Masochist? Right I like pain. I have had a hard time admitting that but once I found out the effect of pain I know for sure I like pain. To what extent? I have really no idea? As I said I am a rookie.
But now comes the difficult part, I have yet no idea how I would fit in? So any comments and help here is welcome.
Am I a submissive or a slave? If I study the description above I would say I am not exactly a submissive, I do not decide and yield everytime. Once I have submitted I submit full heartedly with all in me. I want to please and to please I will do all. I know that desire is deep within me. I do not want a veto, I do not want a safeword. I want to yield to the one that is worthy of me. Who shows that full commitment and who fits my intelligence, my fire, my feisty personality, my ups and downs, my needs and wants to fulfill his. It doesn't make me less of a person, it doesn't mean I cannot decide things on my own, it doesn't mean I cannot express my opinion.
I learned that I am not some little girl, I hate to be treated as a little girl. I utterly hate to have a protection that suffocates me. You can only protect if you now the one to protect and how to protect her. I am a slave by heart and an equal. Fully equal. We enhance each other. That responsibilities goes both ways.
And there I start doubting myself..... If I write that I will only give myself to one who also looks after my needs and wants. Or better to say he has my needs and wants above all, who will cherish me above all, is that fair. If in fact I should be the one to do that? Can a slave be equal even though she will submit to all?
At least it feels I ask a hell of a lot!
Do I? 

18 Jun 2013

Negotiation (part 1)


Lately I feel naked. I have no protection other than myself and a few good friends who have shown their worth. I am dealing with me. Sure it looks fine perhaps on the outside, but I feel raw, broken. Break the submissive they say, a Dominant can whistle and I will fall apart.

I have cared for many and in the end, even with my best efforts, I didn't care for me. So I need a Dominant and I came to the conclusion I have never ever really, deeply thought about what I want and need. I pound on the ones I mentor: "Do not go into D/s lightly! Know what kind of Dominant you want and need, research, negotiate and only when you know he feels right continue."

So hereby my declaration of self, of me personally the raw and naked me: "I am ashamed to say I am the worst example ever." It is even worse than what I just wrote. I have no clue  how to negotiate for myself simply because I have no clue! I am eager to please and afraid to displease, so to overcome this I will go and research the how to... Simply because I need to.