29 Jul 2013

sunbathing



He was sitting watching her while she was laying there sunbathing. Tracing her curves with his eyes. Bikini in place, fully enjoying what he saw. She seemed not to notice, but her eyes moved behind her closed eyes when she must have heard him moving his chair. 



His raspy dark voice suddenly broke the silence between them: "Open your legs!". She opened them but he wasn't satisfied yet: "Wider, Your puss fully in the sun!" When she pulled up both her feet she could lay there with her legs widely spread, the heat of the sun on the crotch of her bikini warming her, heating her. 

She felt his gaze on her, but knew she shouldn't open her eyes. So she laid still fully aware of him and  the lazy feel of sunbathing changed. When he looked down again he saw the red of her bikini darken with juice, a smile contentment on his face. He stood before her and lowered his pants, knelt and pushed the fabric of hers aside and simply used what belongs to him. 



25 Jul 2013

Underneath my clothes














It is hot, today it is announced we have a heatwave.




The best thing about a heatwave is that I feel perfectly fine without underwear. I have no sagging breasts. I love the cleavage and I love to walk the dog without it. The best thing is to wear a skirt to the knee and a tight T-shirt, because even though I do like the feel when I walk naked underneath my clothes I do not necessarily want to reveal it. It is my secret I want to enjoy. Exposure would go to far. 

Nowadays most of the bra's hide nipples. I love nipples, I love it when they are firmly visible underneath the fabric. Like the cleavage indicates a welcoming. I like hints to show of my sensuality. So I do like to expose, but not all the way. My attitude towards my breasts is totally different then towards pussy. There is far more ease with my breasts. But good grief I do not want to step out of the car showing off. Or the wind playing with my skirt.

But the sense that it might happen is of course double the fun......








1 Jul 2013

How to negotiate a collar

So what if you want to negotiate a collar. How do we proceed and make clear what we want and need and how do we go about it. How will it lead to a basic trust and good communication. BTW any criticism or comment about what I have written here is welcome.



Why should I negotiate a potential collar?
As a submissive you will make the choice on what and how you want things. Is that fair? Yes! A dominant needs to know all before he can decide the best course for you. So negotiating is very valuable for both. It sets the start. Do you only negotiate once and only before the collar is finally agreed on? I personally don't think so. Sometimes You have to reset the understanding, look if all still fits and see how things can be altered. Good communication is necessary to reach that point. I think a dominant can ask again to negotiate to see if what he is doing still fits. And of course ultimately he decides. But he can only properly Dominate if the submissive gives him all the information needed to make the decisions. The Dominant has to know what she wants and needs, also when they might have changed.

Relationship
Accepting a collar is starting a deep, trustful and meaningful relationship. Do realize that, it is not a game. Be aware with whom you are stepping in that relationship. Do not offer a collar lightheartedly and do not accept one lightheartedly.

Accept you are worthy to negotiate with
At least negotiate, some will not like to negotiate especially submissives have a tendency not wanting to negotiate what they want and how they want the relation to be. Some are afraid it is not becoming or pleasing. That is far from the truth. A dominant who is not willing to negotiate is actually not doing himself a favor. I might even add, is he a good Dominant?
So to settle things the first step is accept that you can negotiate, that you have the right to negotiate and make your mind up to fully go for it simply because you are worth it.
That is hard for many submissives I think because they have a tendency to give in easily or they try to protect themselves by building a wall to the other. However if you can admit to yourself that you need negotiating things are easier.
For the Dominants it is necessary to negotiate as well. They have to tell their own wants and needs and to find out of things will work out, on what level of experience the submissive is and if it his cup of tea.

Homework
Do your homework, in this day and age so much is available to get a basic idea. Think on what is important for you, make sure what those things are. Only than can you start build bridges to find compromises. Even with a collar compromises need to be made. Own up to yourself, be responsible for yourself.

Checklist
I have written about it here before, it isn't bad to do both a checklist of likes and dislikes and to see what your ultimate limits are. Be sure also Dominants have limits of how far they want to go or think they will go. It is good to know before hand where everyone stands in this.
Touch this checklist for one you can use.

Honesty
To be honest is showing respect for the other. Of course their might be things you have trouble telling each other. But do know that some fundamental stuff is necessary. In the virtual world you shouldn't lie about your age, if you are a man or a woman, or if you are married or not.

Listen
Negotiating needs to be done by putting all on the table and to find out on how things can fit or not, what feelings are and how to coninue. It should be done with having all options open even the one where you will say: "It doesn't fit."
Negotiating is not about winning, it is actually asking what do you want and need and vice versa. Being open about all you want to say and not hiding anything. Being open is to really listen to what both parties have to say. To be able to listen and accept what the other wants and needs and seek not the differences first, but listen to where you can agree on first. It is not about getting the best deal for yourself, but to come together in a deal that works for you both.
Listening is having an active attitude. Active because you want to really understand what the other is saying. You are not waiting for your turn to be able to say something next. And do not listen actively only for those things you do not agree with and respond to those once you answer. Just listen first on both sides without any immediate reaction because only than you either find the similarities and the things you do not agree on.

Teamwork
Make sure that you keep in mind that you are on the same team, it is not a match, not war it is simply a way to see how you can be together the best way. Or perhaps you find out it will not work. Just keep an open view, do not close doors immediately, weighing and considering is always good to do. Teamwork also means that sometime things can be stopped for a while. So each one can thinks things through.

Emotions
If emotions run high do not resolve there and than wait a day or a couple of days. It smoothens feelings and also it helps getting to the core of what you feel. Silence can be a very good way to communicate with yourself and needed to find answers. It also gives you time to review what the other said to you, or better said understand what they have said. In anger bad decisions are made, in feeling sorry for yourself, or whatever negativity, just do not make the decision yet.


Trust
The result in the end should be that trust if fully established. Both should keep the bargain they settled on. Sometimes A dominant thinks he can simply do what he wants without considering the submissive after the collar is around her neck, but he should be aware it will shake the foundations if he doesn't keep with his end of the bargain. On the other end the submissive cannot go back on what she accepted unless she cannot cope and should ask politely if he is willing to talk openly with her. Those times are necessary when you feel things are falling apart. Do not give in to easily, when you are tired or sad. It will back fire in the end.

Result
Accept if all is not what you had expected and wanted from each other if it is not working out, let it go. Enjoy if the result is how you wanted things. At least get to know each other before you start negotiating a collar.

Most of all enjoy because negotiating can be a lot of hilarious fun to!



BDSM checklist

A checklist is a handy tool to understand your partner and a help to see and measure the level of experience. It gives also a set of limits. Usually they are seen to be used for a random play between top and bottom but they can also be used as a start into a D/s or M/s.


I remember to be slightly shocked the first time I looked at it, so many things I had not yet heard of or done and it was quite daunting to feel and know what I might be interested in. Nevertheless it is a good tool to work with. The more information you receive from each other the easier it becomes to talk openly. Communication is the key in BDSM.

Below is a list of BDSM activities… please put an answer next to each item. Don’t be overwhelmed by this list. Take your time and answer as honestly and as best you can. Your answers will change over and over as you gain more experience in the scene. You should fill out this form every so often to let your Top know about new things you are interested/not interested in!

Your answer should be your interest in engaging in that activity on a scale of 0 – 5, NO,?, +, ! or a combination.
0 = I have no interest/don’t like this, but would do it to please you.
1 = Not very interesting/don’t really enjoy this too much.
2 = This is OK,
3 = This is nice/fun/interesting
4 = I really enjoy/think I’ll enjoy this activity
5 = I LOVE THIS/CAN’T WAIT TO TRY THIS

NO = Hard limit.  I will not participate in this activity at all, at this time.
? = Unfamiliar with this activity.
+ = I’m scared of this but would possibly like to explore it.
! = I’m embarrassed to admit I like this.

Also please feel free to write any explanations or more information after your answers.

Examples:
Flogging: 5  - I especially love to be flogged on my back!!!
Tickling: 5+! - My feet are my most ticklish place but I didn’t tell you that! <s>

1.    Abrasion:
2.    Age Play:
3.    Anal Sex:
4.    Arm/Leg Sleeves:
5.    Asphyxiation/ breath play:
6.    Beating hard:
7.    Beating soft:
8.    Begging/Pleading:
9.    Being Blindfolded:
10.    Being Gagged:
11.    Bestiality:
12.    Biting:
13.    Bondage (heavy):
14.    Bondage (light):
15.    Boot Worship:
16.    Branding:
17.    Breast bondage:
18.    Breast Whipping:
19.    Brown Showers/Scat (feces play):
20.    Caning:
21.    Catheterization:
22.    Chauffeuring:
23.    Choking:
24.    Chosen Clothing for:
25.    Chosen Food For:
26.    Clothespins:
27.    Cock Worship:
28.    Collars (wearing):
29.    Corsets (wearing):
30.    Cutting:
31.    Daddy Play:
32.    Dilation:
33.    Double Penetration:
34.    Electricity:
35.    Enemas:
36.    Examinations (physical):
37.    Exhibitionism:
38.    Face Slapping:
39.    Fantasy Gang Rape:
40.    Fantasy Rape:
41.    Fisting:
42.    Flogging (back):
43.    Flogging (butt):
44.    Following Orders:
45.    Foot Worship:
46.    Forced Dressing:
47.    Forced Homosexuality:
48.    Forced Masturbation:
49.    Forced Nudity:
50.    Forced Oral Sex:
51.    Forced Servitude:
52.    Full Head Hoods:
53.    Genital Sex:
54.    Given Away:
55.    Golden Showers (piss play):
56.    Hair Pulling:
57.    Hairbrushes:
58.    Hand Jobs:
59.    Handcuffs (metal):
60.    Harnessing:
61.    Head (getting):
63.    Head (giving):
64.    Swallowing:
65.    High Heel Worship:
66.    Homage With Tongue:
67.    Hot Waxing :
68.    Housework:
69.    Human Pony:
70.    Human Puppy:
71.    Humiliation In Private:
72.    Humiliation In Public:
73.    Ice Cubes:
74.    Including Others:
75.    Infantilism
77.    Interrogations:
78.    Intricate Rope Bondage:
79.    Kidnapping:
80.    Kneeling:
81.    Leather Restraints:
82.    Lecturing:
83.    Licking: what? Boots
84.    Massage(getting):
85.    Massage(giving):
86.    Medical Scenes:
87.    Mommy Play:
88.    Mouth Bits:
89.    Mummification(saran wrap etc):
90.    Nipple torment:(clamps etc.):
91.    Oral/Anal Play:
92.    Orgasm Control:
93.    Orgasm Denial:
94.    Over-the-Knee Spanking:
95.    Phone Sex:
96.    Piercing (perm):
97.    Piercing (temp):
98.    Pussy Whipping:
99.    Pussy Worship:
100.    Religious Scenes:
101.    Riding Crops:
102.    Scratching:
103.    Sensory Deprivation:
104.    Serving as Ashtray:
105.    Serving as Furniture:
106.    Serving as Maid:
107.    Serving as Pony:
108.    Serving Orally:
109.    Serving:
110.    Sex in Scene:
111.    Sexual Deprivation:
112.    Shaving:
113.    Single Tail (light/sensual):
114.    Single Tail (moderate/heavy):5
115.    Spanking:
116.    Speculums (vaginal):
117.    Spreader Bars:
118.    Stocks:
119.    Straight Jacket:
120.    Strap-on Dildos:
121.    Supplying Victims:
122.    Suspension (inverted):
123.    Suspension:
124.    Swapping:
125.    Swinging:
126.    Tape Gags:
127.    Tattooing:
128.    Teasing:
129.    Tickling:
130.    Triple Penetration:
131.    Uniforms:
132.    Verbal Humiliation:
133.    Videoed Scenes:
134.    Voyeurism: 4
135.    Whipping (cat o’ nine tails etc.):
136.    Wrestling:
137.    Paste IMs.....: