19 Oct 2014
serving and submission
Many of us serve as submissive or as said before in a blog, we do serve people often in our daily life. However serving as a submissive can lead to confusion, mostly because we get confused about serving. What does serving mean? Kneeling? Dressing in a way the Dominant prefers. How on earth can we serve?
How do we serve?
Often it is said by dressing pleasing, doing chores, cleaning and maintaining the house. Many see domestic service as the purpose or serving sexually. However it is more complex.
What is service?
Service doesn't necesarily means you do chores around the house (and also if that is virtual). Sometimes they call that service oriented submissives, However it would apply to just one service being a kind of 'housekeeper' to please. There are men who woud like to have a sub or slave thinking it would make their life easier. I have seen them advertise on fetlife, but fortunately they got a lot of comments that D/s is not to have a 'cheap' cleaning lady and friend with benefits. However there are subs who love to be the housekeeper either by having a fetish wearing a uniform or simply it makes them feel content.
So how do we serve?
We serve by pleasing the Dominant in whatever way necessary for him. But we can only do that if it is in the end pleasing for your self too. In the end you have to be content within the equilibrium you have. The word force is one that shouldn't be in this dictionary of serving. It is finding out what fits the two of you. Pushing limits cannot be done in panic, but in a quiet and loving environment. You have to trust fully that in the end you will be safe. That nothing harmful will happen to you.
The service of a slave
Sometimes it is thought that slaves just accept all and that is it. A slave may not have the ability to say no, but she might put her concerns forward. However it is in the end her owners decision if she is subjected to something or not. How can he do that? Simply by really getting to know her, by really understanding what she needs. He is no mindreader so he needs information. So even there is consent and formally no ability to say no or use a safe word, the acknowledgement that no harm will be done and it is truly in the best interest of the submissive should be the first thing that counts.
A true submissive?
I have heard it often said: a true submissive...... It is often used to say someone isn't how it 'should' be, behaving how it 'should' be. But most of all it is used when someone isn't within there idea of how a submissive should be. There is not one kind of submissive we are people after all. A true submissive is the one that fits you and you as a submissive. If there is a ' true' submissive, she is true to her self. The same goes for Dominants. There are so many kind of people here too. There are Dominants with masochistic tendencies. It might mean that you as submissive need to top. There is whole range of possibilities in BDSM. As long as it isn't abusive respect each other and understand there are many, many possibilities.
Serving within a 'likeminded' group
In SL there are group who live by the book of 'the story of O', 'eyes wide shut' or the Goreans who use the books as a set of rules for the service of the submissives within their groups. Individuality might be a part but there the service is oriented towards the standard that is upheld in such a group.
You have to wonder do I fit in or you might wonder after a while do I still fit in the group dynamic? Groups offer a place to be with likeminded people and often friendships are part of the dynamic that keeps it going. Individual preferences do surface of course, but in the end Dominants and submissive have to part of the group dynamic and enjoying it.