19 Feb 2015

My first Munch

A low-pressure, social gathering at a restaurant or pub for people into BDSM. Particularly intended for people new to the scene who might be intimidated by a play party.

To chew or eat (something) especially in a noisy way

So for years I have been chewing on going to a Munch or any social gathering to meet just people in general within the BDSM world. Being engaged in second life and being with a few Dominants in RL didn't make me brave at all. I found that place hidden in the darkness ever so comfortable. While I didn't have a problem meeting people within the community, my problem was much more being exposed to the outside world. What if I would be recognized? What if other people would know my distorted view?

I visited once the Fetish Cafe in Antwerp and daring as I was I didn't want to go into the dungeon. I sat their legs tightly together and within the protection of a caring Dominant. This has been going on for years, until as I do at times I grabbed myself and decided it was time to understand and learn. To see how it is to actually go to a Munch. And of course… being me… I went on my own.

I had no idea what to wear? Something black I decided, should I wear heels? I was rummaging through my closet and decided to go safe. Black, high heels, black tights, not to put the focus on me to much. So I drove to Amsterdam, parked the car and walked to the bar-restaurant. As I walked closer and closer I felt how my heart was pounding and how nervous I was. Thoughts racing through my mind of what I was about to expect. I really didn't know anyone present. And in al honesty, I hate to mingle, I hate small talk and even though I got better at it and learned over the years I still feel anxiety. But who doesn't? That's what I thought while I was walking. Many have done this before me, most likely with the same anxiety.

So I took a deep breath and walked through the door not knowing what to expect. Fortunately close to the entrance was the man who organizes the Munch and I walked over to him and plainly told him who I was and that I was new and nervous. I had contacted him about a year and a half ago, but I wasn't brave enough at the time. We talked for a little bit. He was very nice and offered me a glass of wine and introduced me to the couple he was talking to. That calmed me. She was a lovely bubbly sub with her Dominant husband, both easy to be with and it made me feel welcome.
The shy feeling stayed with me, but I know that most will think I wasn't.

As ever afterwards I started to overthink and usually I judge myself in a negative way, being far to critical. So what can I do to overcome this? I just have to go again! So I will.

And…they are nice.. they didn't bite, I laughed a lot!

You can go with the flow but Jay Wiseman wrote about what to expect at a Munch which you can read here!


Lea said...

I was really nervous going to my first munch, too.

Sir and I were together for almost four years before we went to a munch, and that was just 5 months ago.

It is hard to open yourself up, especially with a fear of being outed.

It gets easier. I am starting to become comfortable, but there are still times of social awkwardness.

ara said...

Thanks Lea,

I will go again next time and will see how it will go.
I dipped my toe in the murky waters of the lifestyle and noticed that when I wait for a while it becomes clearer.