BDSM




















15 MAR 2012

clothespin



After a reading of my poem pornography at http://journeytodominanceandsubmission.blogspot.com/, we had a discussion/talk about pornography at JDs. After this it pondered in my mind and it still does. It is interesting to set the mind free in thinking about it all so I have decided to make it a sequence of articles.
What is pornography? I cannot fully grasp it yet and it felt to me I have to do far more research. The definition I found often used is:

Pornography or porn is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual arousal and erotic satisfaction


But what is explicit, explicit is clear to the eye of the one looking, reading or hearing. We heard within the discussion that is different for all of us: some males find naked men not erotic at all, while others can’t have enough of them. 

So lets look at something so ordinary as…clothespins.


A picture of a clothespin is simply a picture of a clothespin. A household item we use to hang laundry or other. To those who lack the sexual need to use clothespins as an erotic instrument, it will always be just a clothespin. Most Vanilla’s will not even give it an extra thought while hanging the laundry. Mostly I don’t either, unless……

But for me this simple wooden item can be very erotic an very explicit especially after a scene in which I just used it. The simple information of the feel of it in my hand can add to this sensation. So is this depicted here a pornographic image? In a way it is, like a nipple, a dildo or like the words I just written down. In that sequence it becomes even more arousing. Clothespin, nipple, sends a message to my brain.
So what if I come across a huge clothespin like this one of Claes Oldenburgh, a Swedish-American sculptor, standing in front of the city hall. This majestic piece of art 45-foot-high, weighing 10-ton simply called ‘Clothespin’ is placed near the city hall in Philadelphia, in 1976 and made of Cor-Ten and stainless steel. Knowing the work of Oldenburgh I am quite sure there is no BDSM connotation whatsoever and like the ordinary clothespin, which wasn’t made to hurt anyone in a sexual way. I know that Oldenburg as a famous Pop-art artist didn’t mean this thing to be sexually. He just used ordinary day to day objects and made them into huge sculptures.




However if I look with my eyes I notice it is so majestic it is almost as powerful as a Dominant would I stand in front of it. The whole image, like the actual clothespin is playing with the erotic fantasy in my mind. I see him standing there, legs slightly apart towering over me. My personal and lovely perverted idea is placed into an ordinary art object. But it is my fantasy; perhaps any other submissive or Dominant would not agree. Or even pleasantly worse, you might now be drawn to my little fantasy.
Swedish fashion designer Sandra Backlund used clothespins to construct a ‘collar’, making it in a pretty almost lace like fashion item. There is something about the work of this fashion designer that makes it really interesting or better said intrigues me. Her clothes are not easy to wear and on the pictures she takes, the girls look rather tormented. She says about it herself and I quote: ‘…..Only strong women can wear my clothes because what I design alters the body and the clothes dictate the posture.…..’






An interesting phenomena within this ‘collar’ as I see it, is that most submissives are strong people who can endure a lot. If I look at this picture it springs to mind that it would be a lovely item for a kinky party. The model is standing there in full composure, hands on her back and her face has an almost proud and angelic expression. Making the whole atmosphere quite erotic.
To my amusement, I found another picture, which immediately had affect in my loins. It surely has the ‘Oldenburgh effect’ but there is more to it. Located in Belgium’s Park Chaudfontaine, artist Mehmet Ali Uysal’s installation art seems to be about man dominating nature.




This actually reminds me of the painful feeling of skin pinched. And when I looked at other work of this artist I started wondering about his work as it feels like 'bedroom art' to me. To spice up ones kinky life. I cannot be sure of it of course but I am tempted to ask. Anyway it sure dominates my mind.
The actual act of placing a clothespin is very arousing. Not just to masturbate but it is even better when you are ordered to! Making this beautiful and simple picture a delight to look at.







It is neither vulgar nor nasty, but far more explicit than the pictures above. This lovely, pretty girl simply places a clothespin on her nipple. Her face not exaggerated, but calm and concentrated.
So if we talk very explicit and far more pornographic this picture tells it all. It feels amateur or can be done by professionals but the way it is done is to make the 'act' visible and most of all the idea of arousing others by arousing one self. (or act to be aroused)











The picture is not stylized; it is just the simple act of showing off clothespins clamped on labia. The aroused and protruded clitoris visible and probably the woman either proudly present her self or is being humiliated with the picture for her arousal and the Dominant. This is BDSM at work. It serves its goal both for those who look at it as for the one experiencing it. The Internet is full of these kind of pictures, made by professionals or simply by amateurs. They’re to endorse our slutty horny bodies with all the pleasures of looking and perhaps acting on it. These I call masturbation porn.
However there is a large amount of highly stylized erotic pictures within BDSM, which are both very beautiful to look at and stimulating although the effect is less hardcore. With these pictures you see the camera, the light the model all set in place to make a beautiful picture. The goal is to make art as sensual eye candy.



Some prefer art above hardcore porn. But both have their use and perhaps in a different way. The state of arousal seems to work on what we want, like that some love to be called slut but only when they are very horny. Perhaps it is not all about the difference between arty pictures or actual it is more about the intention it is made and the mind of the one who looks at it.
With the first pictures it is my mind that fills in the details and with the last ones the details are already there. Nevertheless, for me, my own mind and my own body are lovely tools to work with. I choose, or even better, it is chosen for me. It reveals what I like and dislike, it reveals what my Master likes and dislikes. Thus giving us visual tools to communicate, with myself and with him. Some of the images are repulsive others will open Pandora’s box for new explorations.



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6 MAR 2012


words as household tools


After a discussion that I moderated in JDs in second life, I have been doing some soul searching about words, communicating and being a slut. How I please Meester with my writing and how deeply he pleases me with his words, sentences, orders, care and love.
The Master whispered:
"I will call you slut, not because you are one but just so you can live your perverted dreams.
I will call you slut, simply because I want to live my perverted dreams."
She knows.

He continued:
"I will call you slut because your body reacts in pleasure.
I will call you slut because I am proud of you"
She understands.

He whispered as He looked deep in her eyes:
"I call you slut, when ever I feel to.
But You are my slut! My slut only."
She feels.

He whispered in her ear:
"You are my slut, my lady.
You are my slut and queen"
She flies.

(copyright ARA 18022012)



When I started out to discover and connect with my desire to experience BDSM I roamed the lifestyle sims in Second Life and was at times astonished. I was shocked with the girls I saw walking with cumdumpster on their body. How they openly sucked their Masters cock, the names they were called and that did not object to be called slut. I was amazed and in my mind I was convinced and totally sure that was not my thing at all. Worse even, I looked down on the women who were degrading themselves in my opinion.

Until one day Meester said slut to me and he was the first one who actually reached me when he called me a slut. I was shocked with he effect it had on me and told him that I didn’t want to be called a slut but that he was the only allowed to call me that. He actually probed through my armour without me realising. Others had called me slut and I felt offended. With him quite the opposite happened; I felt it as a praise of my being. He wasn’t even my Master yet, but it stayed with me.

Elder who had commented on my blog already put me on to this, words are also easy to use at home to arouse. Elder said that one of the best household tools are hands. So simple and so right! Humiliating, ordering, praise, punishment don’t have to be a physical act, it can easily be done in words and have maximum effect. Communicating, as household tool is a very good one I thought.

For me the most important part in power exchange is in words, far more important than anything else. It is the bases on which the D/s relation is build. With words we try to understand each other. Communication is an important tool. But better than whipping or play around it. The words put us in our place. It is the order. Obeying the order is essential, but feeling the need to obey is the drive behind D/s.  Obeying rules, finding out how rules help you in your submission is in the end the key, to reach a good relationship.

But words can easily tear things into shreds. Or hurt badly when used to deliberately hurt or used arrogantly. We can become too careful with each other or when we do not see, hear and understand the other any longer. Sometimes goals of Dominant and sub can grow further and further apart. It is nobodies fault when things start to fail.

I remember how the day I was called slut something was marked within me, a deep desire entered into me and left a deep impression.

You can have all the tools in your house to have fun at home. But the right words, the right order, the right discipline and the right time to actually talk things through are essential. And sometimes all fails because I found out that with the Master I was at the time things didn’t match. His words started to fail and my words started to fail. I realized his dreams didn’t fit me; his words didn’t fit me at all. We weren’t communicating because our words weren’t reaching their goal.

Communicating is seeking constantly for balance and sometimes we do not listen to our instinct. So words, expressions, body language are for me the most important tools in BDSM and actually also the best household tools imaginable.

And isn’t the computer the best household tool ever? For words, sentences, virtual lives, research, pornography, kindred souls, friends and whatever else it offers in the lifestyle.

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